We all know people whose first question to you will be 'have you made an New Year Resolutions'. Rather than go for the standard ones, I've pulled together a whole bunch to have a play with!
 
Waiting until the end of the year to make plans for the following year. It’s a tradition that in many ways makes little sense. Making a NY resolution is often treated like making a wish, with many making promises which is almost impossible to keep. Many people ‘wish’ to lose weight, but are more likely to lose their car keys. Generally not the best way to look at it, when people hate losing things, yet this is often one of the most common resolutions, next to becoming super-fit and ready for entering the Olympics.

The common top New Years Resolutions are well known as including losing weight, gaining a new skill, learning a language, quiting smoking, giving up alcohol, or getting super-fit. Often people dont have any real deep intention to prioritise the resolution, so the promises despite being well intended, don't last.

In 2020, it seems that many people will become temporary vegans, with some already sounding quite militant, as they tuck into their last chicken nibbles at the Christmas buffet before implementing their life choice.
Because of how passionate many people are about their beliefs, it gave us a few ideas for some conversation changers and stoppers meant for amusement only. Starting off tame, and getting more adventurous, why not see just how far you can go! (Also, please don't take any of these too seriously, and use at your own risk!)
  1. To only wear trainers when I’m exercising
  2. To spend more time on my Smartphone
  3. To become an Instagram influencer using nothing but pictures of guinea pigs
  4. To become a professional hand model
  5. To get away with doing graffiti by pretending to be Banksy
  6. To Write a book (Here’s some suggested titles for something suitably ‘amusing')
    • “How to torment a vegan"
    • “The dangers of eating roadkill" (remembering to rub your stomach too)
    • “How to photograph your friends & neighbours while they are not looking”, along with a book on “Making your own camouflage"
  7. To learn to compliment people without grinning (followed by telling them their hair is nice….. with a really wide grin!)
  8. To become a psychic
  9. To find out how many types of body fluids I can sell
  10. To pretend to listen to people more
  11. To drink less, specifying only 1 litre of water a day, without getting dehydrated
  12. To not shave all year - anywhere (focus on saying the anywhere with enthusiasm!)
  13. To become more assertive if nobody minds
  14. To combine religion and eating, and have the same BMI as Buddha
  15. Do a stand-up comedy set (said in a really monotone voice)
  16. To put off procrastinating, starting tomorrow
  17. To maybe become more decisive
  18. To better remember to take my anti-psychotic medication
  19. To not argue with as many purple dragons (see above)
  20. To learn to act more naturally, and avoid sudden movements
  21. To not talk about "life on my home planet" in public
  22. To stop telling people “I used to be your age once” (especially if they are older)
  23. To stop telling people "When I grow up…” (especially if you are older)
  24. To stop telling people “I used to be your sex once"
  25. To stop arguing with my (imaginary) friend as much
  26. To find a way to get into the Guinness book of records with just a toothpick
  27. To train to be a body double for Santa
  28. To not appear passive aggressive …. by using dots and exclamation marks in texts!
  29. To not be thrown off a ski run for writing my name in the snow (by writing someone else’s name)
  30. To spend a week using a daily horoscope as a set of instructions
  31. To invent a new shape
  32. To try to show more interest in what other people say at me
  33. To try to see what’s the funniest thing to make that I can actually sell on eBay
  34. To invent a new dance that everyone is going to want to do
  35. To meet up with everyone I am connected to on Facebook, making particular reference to commuting to visit the ones in India, Nigeria, and Nicaragua
  36. To spend more time wearing pants (my own)
  37. To not get tired running for the train…. by not running
  38. To try Rohypnol, and see if I can remember having it
  39. To try to wave at more strangers while driving, without causing quite as many accidents
  40. To invent a new word, and try to get other people to use it. (Try not to squijin too much about this one)
  41. To use mixers more when drinking pints of spirits
  42. Learn a party trick that I’m 'allowed to do in public' (focusing on the ' ' !)
  43. Brush my teeth at least daily
  44. To save up writing all my Trip Advisor reviews for when I'm drunk
  45. To beat the average 8% success rate on new years resolutions by only doing something that I already do
  46. To stop relying on my GPS (I would have been here ages ago, but…. moving on…)
  47. Stop spontaneously breakdancing, and doing ’the robot''
  48. To stop being 'turned on' talking to strangers (remembering to wink too!)
  49. Learn how to spell discombobulate (and learn what it means the year after)
  50. To talk less (and then don’t say anything - at all, and move your eyes, left, right, up etc.)
We hope you found some of the above 50 as amusing, and hope that it makes your New Year conversations more memorable!
 
So if you go to a New Years party, (but not necessarily when you're back at work) why not throw a few of these in, and then start counting to see how long before the person finds an excuse to walk off. (Preferably count in your head, although out loud may alter the reaction!)
 
#FunnyNewYearResolutions #HappyNewYear #2020Vision
 
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